He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
