Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
