Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
