I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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