i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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