i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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