how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
