I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
