he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
