She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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