she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
