u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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