i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
