Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
