Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
