why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize