Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
