and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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