So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
