I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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