I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
