hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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