I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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