I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
