I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i now understand why vodka
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
