I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
