it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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