I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
