After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
