Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
