Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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