That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
