I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
