I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
