well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
