hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I sprained my soul last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
its liver damage thursday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
