I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
