Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
