I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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