Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
