fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
