i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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