I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
