I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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