let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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