My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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