thus making me awesome and them whores
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
