hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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