why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
