Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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