sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize