Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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