Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
