She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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