I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
