You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
