i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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