...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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