She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
