3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
