It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
