sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
