You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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