Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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