I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
