Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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