She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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