Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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