i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
