last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
