Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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