Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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