so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can't motorboat a personality
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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