margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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