dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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