I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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