the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
