I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
