so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
