The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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